Not every Sunday has to have a Hellfire sermon so here is one from the past,  to show the light side of being a Christian.

Intro by the minister: Here we are in Holy Humor Sunday, and we have been treated to a fine show again by our young people and their teachers, for which you and I sincerely thank them.

It is so good to have young people here in the church.

And old people too of course.

So thinking of what I might say, I pondered what I have seen and heard over the years, and much humour can be found in churches, and clergy, some intentional and some accidental.

I knew a clergyman in this diocese who told me he didn’t like to wear his clerical collar when he wasn’t on duty, because he said he had been accosted too many times by people who wanted to argue with him.

I can see that but there are occasions when you might think it would be advantageous to wear a clerical collar.

When I served two churches, I sometimes had to drive fast to get from one to the other.

And I was stopped once, between churches  in a radar trap. The policeman looked at me, and  seeing  my collar, asked,’ Are you a priest?”  I said, “Yes”, thinking that he would let me go without a ticket, and he said, ” Then you should know better.”

I heard about a Roman Catholic priest, wearing clerical garb, riding on the subway, when a man, disheveled, smeared lipstick on his face, smelling of beer, came and sat beside him

The man took out a newspaper and began to read it, belching every so often, to the priest’s disgust.

The  man put his paper aside for a moment and turning to the priest, asked him,  with his beery breath, ” Father, do you know what causes arthritis?”

The priest looked at the man, and said, ” Yes, I do know. It’s caused by loose living, with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and too little regard for your fellow man! “

” Well I’ll be damned, ” said the man, and went back to his paper.

The priest thinking what he had said, and thinking he may have been a bit too hard on the man, nudged him, and apologised, and said, ” I’m very sorry I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

The man said, “I don’t have it father. I was just reading the pope does.”

So as you can see, you may not want to wear a collar and draw attention to yourself, in some situations.

But there are other things that happen in the life of a priest, that can be disconcerting.

You have to be there for everyone, if you can, in rain or shine, at a bedside, or a graveside, or in a hospital emergency department..

I heard about a young minister, who was new to the area, and was called out to do a graveside service for an indigent man, in a cemetery some way out in the country.

He set out in good time, but took a couple of wrong turns on the way and was about an hour late when he finally got there.

The deceased had  been a homeless man, with no relatives, and really no mourners had been expected, and there was no-one there when the minister arrived.

The hearse was gone, and he saw the grave, still open, with a backhoe next to the open hole, and two workers sitting some way off having lunch.

He went to the open grave and saw that the vault lid had already been put in place.

Feeling bad for the deceased, and guilty that he was so late, he decided to  give it his best, even with no-one else there.

So feeling it appropriate under the circumstances, he gave an impassioned sermon, and eulogy combined,  and  after a final blessing turned to leave.

As he passed the two men sitting there with their lunches, he heard one man say to the other, ”  Well, I have been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I have never seen anything like that.” 

Now you might not have any sympathy for a clergy in such a situation, but there are dangers lurking everywhere, even in the most innocuous circumstances.

A minister was visiting an elderly member of his flock, sitting on the couch, when he noticed  a large bowl of peanuts on the table.

” Oh,” he said, pointing at the bowl, ” Do you mind if I have some?”

“Of course, ” she said, ” Help yourself.”

They chatted for an hour, and as he stood up to leave, realised he had eaten all the peanuts, so he said, ” I am so sorry, I have eaten all the peanuts and I only intended to have a few. “

“That’s alright, ” she said, ” Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them.”

But, back home, where we belong, in the church on Sunday morning, a priest is challenged  to deliver a sermon, that is not too long, and not too short, has some serious stuff and a little  humour, has quotes from the bible  but not so much as to appear showing off, and you  realise you are putting yourself out there each week, and so, we do like some feedback, even if it isn’t all complimentary.

A new minister in a church preached her first sermon and was standing at the door, greeting people as they left.

Most people were very gracious and told her they enjoyed the sermon, but there was one man in line, who said, ” That was very dull and boring sermon, pastor.”

Then the same man came up in the line again, somehow, and said, ” You obviously didn’t do much preparation for the sermon this morning.”

Then a third time, there he was again, and this time, shaking hands with the minister  said, ” You really blew it this time pastor. Had nothing to say at all.”

This was a  bit too much, so the minister went over to a deacon standing by and asked him about the man.

The deacon, said, ” Oh don’t let that guy bother you. He’s a little slow. All he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people  saying.”

Finally I am aware that some ministers won’t do a wedding if the couple don’t attend the church, and some won’t baptize a child if the parents don’t attend the church, but sometimes, even those among us who are more accepting, get asked for some sort of  service that we feel is a little over the top.

For instance, a man by the name of Muldoon, lived in the country, just him and his pet dog, which he had had since it was a puppy,  which he loved so much.

The day came when the little dog passed away and Muldoon was heartbroken.

He went to the nearest church, and asked the priest , “Father would you please do a funeral  service for my little dog?

“No way, ” said the priest, ” We can’t do services for animals in the church. But there are some Baptists down the road. Who knows what they believe. Maybe they will do it for you.”

” I’ll go right away, Father,” said Muldoon, “. Do  you think five thousand dollars is enough to donate to them for the service?” 

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why did you not tell me the dog was a Catholic?”

So there you have it. And I am sure there are some among you who have more stories, that you wish to share.                            ——————————————————-